My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
