i think my tv is drunk
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
