So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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