so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
