Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
