i already hear my dad disowning me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
