His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
