This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
