hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He did a backflip because drugs
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
