I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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