Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize