life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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