he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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