I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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