The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
