She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
