He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Mom said you looked used
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
