The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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