Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
