Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Can Purell be used as lube?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
