I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
