she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
