I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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