Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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