Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize