She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
