Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
