I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
