I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
