and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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