Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
