Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
