wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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