Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize