come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
