i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
