Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
