everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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