I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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