He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
this hospital has no fireball
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
