tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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