I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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