At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
