He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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