Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
