It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
