Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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