This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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