she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
