I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
