My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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