I wish I only lived at night.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
40s are totally the cure
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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