spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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