Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I need to calm my uterus...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize