i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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