i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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