I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
