1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
