You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
