Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
