Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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