We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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