My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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