woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
