Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
