They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
