i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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