spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
how drunk are you?
Several
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
