If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
