Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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